When All Hope is Lost
by shinomu
Summary: Heavy cigarette smoke filled the ambient. There were wicked laughs and heels clacking. She was drunk, head dizzy, and in real need for some air. Why was Shidou Hikaru in such a state, you ask.


**Disclaimer:** Rayearth belongs to CLAMP.

**When all hope is lost**

Heavy cigarette smoke filled the ambient. There were wicked laughs and heels clacking. The pub suddenly seemed too suffocating, she was drunk, her head was dizzy and in real need for some air.

With some struggle, she managed to go past the crowded place and reach the stairs. It was a real challenge to balance herself with a spinning head and people squinting themselves to enter or to get out of the damn place.

After what seemed an eternity, she finally reached the last step. Only to trip and fall disgracefully on the floor. _Ouch_. People passing by really didn't care, it _was_ a bloody bar after all, drunk idiots were pretty much expected. The redhead summoned all her strength to lift herself from the filthy pavement and get out of there quickly.

Stumbling pretty much over anything on her way, she felt her head getting heavier and heavier. Oh, she _really_ needed to lie down. Conveniently, there was a park close by, full of inviting benches. It wouldn't be the greatest of ideas to actually sleep on a bench, especially if you were a young lady, but right now she had no sense at all, so her body just fell there with a loud _thump_. Oh, that felt better.

Why was Shidou Hikaru in such a state, you ask. Well, it's been a tuff year. Ever since she completed eighteen years her world started to turn upside down. And yesterday was the final strike.

It started lightly, with her dear friends moving out of the country. Okay, so they'd be far away for some time, but it wasn't as if their friendship was ruined. There was internet for God's sake, it's not like they'd never talk again. But then Umi's mother died and her father was desolated. Both fell in a deep depression and the beautiful girl they once new vanished.

Some time later her older brother had an accident, crashed his motorcycle with a truck. A pretty big one. He's still in coma. Hikaru was a wreck. She started hanging out with the worst crowd. At first it was drinking, then it came smoking and last thing she knew she was waking up at the strangest places. Her two brothers really didn't know what to do with their once sweet and innocent young sister.

Oh, Fuu called the other day. Ferio suddenly appeared at her door. He said he came after her, all the way from Cephiro. How crazy was that? The portal had closed long ago. She was supposed to be happy about her friend, but it really hurt inside to _not_ have someone that'd go through all this trouble for her. She hoped, of course, that _he_ would do that. But at the age of sixteen, when her pendant mirror broke, she knew there was no longer a connection between them.

There's really no need to talk about her studies, let's say college wasn't a place she visited often. Last month one of her friends, well what she would call a friend nowadays, was arrested. Stealing of course, the girl started doing this at a young age; it was a miracle she never got caught until now. But it was pretty bad, Japan's laws are very rough, especially when they found out she was doing drugs. Eventually they came to her. She had nothing to be afraid of since she never stole anything and only tried drugs once (and never, never again). But her brothers didn't like it. She was out of the house.

And _that's_ how she ended up here. All of her money spent on alcohol. What now? She didn't know, her head hurt even more. Reviving all the bad stuff didn't do her well. Her eyelids were heavy and every now and then she'd yawn but strangely, she couldn't sleep.

There was a little movement close by, a group of people decided to head where she was. Great, now she had to sit straight and pretend she wasn't _that_ bad so no one would call the police or something. With all her remaining effort she sat, her head heavy like a truck. She closed her eyes and embraced herself (it was _cold_) waiting until they passed by. And it took an _eternity_!

She finally opened her eyes. He was standing there, looking like he was seeing a ghost or something. And her heart ached. A sudden wave of rage ran through her body and tears threatened to fall (but they _just_ wouldn't). His eyes suddenly softened as he took a tentative step towards her. She trembled (not so much from the cold). He opened his mouth slightly but then closed, not sure of what to say. They stayed like that for a pretty long time until the man gave up and, with a sight, sat by her side (but not _too_ close).

"I didn't know this world was so… big."

_Oh, really._

"I… ended up in a completely different place, took me a lot of time to get here. I thought… really there was a time I stopped believing I'd actually find you."

And then he seemed so tired, even more than she was. There was a knot on her throat now and the tears where getting _insistent_.

"But I did."

_Yes, you did. Oh my…_

"I only wonder if it's not too late…"

"Is it?"

"I'm the one who's asking."

"Was it a waste of your time?" tears started falling, but she kept fighting them.

Silence.

"No."

Oh, but now they ran free. She could feel her face all swollen as she cried harder. At that moment he decided they no longer needed that distance and held her close. She smelled like bad cigarettes, alcohol and… cinnamon. Just as he remembered.

Her breath started to get even by now and he could see the sun was about to rise.

"Take me home" was her quiet whimper.

And he did. That morning he took care of her, always tender. She didn't utter a word. Neither did he. There was no need for that right now.

Getting to close to each other again first. Questions later.


End file.
